S.H.I.E.L.D
While there are rumors of the Copa Gianni continuing somewhere in the USA, complete with Donald Trump mingling with Infantino before an audience of -67, the football season in England has kicked off robustly. The Community Shield, aptly termed The Annual Curtain-Raiser, has successfully navigated the chaotic landscape of an open transfer window, showcasing a match that undeniably affirmed the existence of football.
Liverpool seized the lead within just four minutes due to a defensive error, offering fans the delightful experience of hearing “Ekitike” pronounced in a Scouse accent—an event potentially more thrilling than hearing Ross Barkley say “Lukaku.” The performance from the new striker underscored why Liverpool, who recorded an impressive 86 league goals last season—14 more than their closest rival—decided to invest heavily in him alongside Florian Wirtz. If only their defense hadn’t conceded 41 goals, the highest by a title-winning team in a dozen years. Manager Arne Slot hopes to rectify this by investing more than £100 million in Alexander Isak.
For the moment, though, Slot’s squad can count on the singularly named “Virgil,” who, after giving away a penalty leading to Jean-Philippe Mateta’s equalizer, exhibited stunning indignation at the cosmos for not recognizing his superior skills. If there were amusing puns to draw parallels between the Aeneid and anatomy or the Iliad and a clever insult, we would indulge, but alas, there are none. Liverpool soon reclaimed the lead, thanks to a fortunate goal from Jeremie Frimpong. Crystal Palace, however, fought back, looking increasingly likely to score as the match progressed. Just as fatigue seemed to set in, left-back Milos Kerkez, who was signed to replace Andy Robertson, let Ismaïla Sarr equalize after losing track of his position.
Ismaïla Sarr is brought down for a penalty.
Palace could have clinched the win during regular time, but Alexis Mac Allister’s handball in the box went unnoticed by officials, leading to penalty shootouts amid mediocre performance. This shootout surprisingly failed to evoke the usual internet outrage. It seems all eyes are elsewhere in America, watching Trump continue his antics alongside Infantino.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“After reviewing the evidence, the panel determined that John Textor, founder of Eagle Football Holdings, held shares in CPFC and Lyon, while also having significant influence on both boards during UEFA’s assessment period. The panel dismissed Crystal Palace’s claims of unfair treatment compared to Nottingham Forest and OL, stating that UEFA regulations lack flexibility for non-compliant clubs as claimed by CPFC” – which implies a disappointing demotion for Crystal Palace.
Further, Palace is reportedly seeking to sell captain Marc Guéhi quickly.
