Struggles on the Court and in Writing
I’m currently experiencing a challenging period in tennis, marked by a trio of consecutive losses in singles matches. Each defeat taught me valuable lessons about my weaknesses, yet the frustration remains, particularly since the players who triumphed over me exhibited diverse styles, highlighting different vulnerabilities in my game. While I didn’t find the losses humiliating, they undoubtedly humbled me. I often muttered under my breath, criticizing myself—a habit that tennis uniquely evokes. Despite giving my all, I still made significant errors and found my second serve lacking.
A teammate light-heartedly remarked, “At least you got a breadstick,” referencing my single game win during a match. While a breadstick is better than a goose egg, the sentiment doesn’t feel like much consolation.
Redefining My Writing Journey
Similarly, I find myself in a slump with my writing—a situation I would have previously labeled a losing streak. Rejections from residencies keep piling up, and I haven’t seen a new short story published in over a year. A well-crafted essay pitch was swiftly declined by an editor. Despite my familiarity with rejection as an editor myself, experiencing it firsthand is challenging.
However, this isn’t a tale of defeat in tennis or writing. Rather than viewing it as a losing streak, I’ve come to realize that a writing career isn’t defined by wins and losses. It’s time to leave that mindset on the court.
Returning to Tennis
After a decade-long hiatus from tennis, I decided to return last April, well aware of my tendency to dive deeply into my interests. My initial warning to my wife was clear: if I picked up the sport again, it would turn into an obsession. Weekly clinics quickly escalated into a mix of clinics, private sessions, and competitive matches. I sought out a serious and competitive environment, connecting with others who shared my aspirations.
By the summer, I was gearing up for my first USTA singles tournament and had joined multiple leagues. Though I struggled to find a coach who understood my ambitions, I pressed on, determined to challenge myself. I initially enjoyed success, going undefeated on my first USTA team, but as I improved, I found myself yearning for greater challenges. Following the season’s end, I stepped up to a more competitive team, where I have yet to secure a victory in singles matches, but I’m determined to keep pushing myself.
Understanding Competition and Growth
The current losing streak has tested me. In my youth, I proudly embraced my competitive nature, but as an adult, I shied away from it. I now recognize that suppressing my competitive urges stems from societal expectations around gender. Women are often discouraged from being overly competitive, a notion I grappled with as I rediscovered my passion for sports.
Competition can certainly have its downsides, but acknowledging my competitive side is essential. I strive not to let frustration dictate my behavior; instead, I focus on enjoying the process of improvement. Embracing my desire to win, rather than seeing it as a flaw, feels liberating.
The Intersection of Tennis and Writing
Interestingly, tennis has reshaped my relationship with rejection in writing. Engaging in a sport where wins and losses are clear allows me to analyze those experiences meaningfully, without the emotional weight that often accompanies literary rejections. Through tennis, I’ve learned that it’s not necessary to categorize my writing life in terms of victories or defeats. Each experience, whether a rejection or a triumph, is part of a larger journey of personal growth. The competitive spirit I tend to subdue in my writing can thrive on the court, allowing me to draw parallels and channel that energy more productively.
Overall, engaging with tennis has only enriched my writing. I view my competitive nature as a tool for both disciplines, fostering creativity and resilience while allowing me to celebrate every small success along the way. Perhaps the key takeaway is understanding the value of competition in all areas of life—striking a balance between ambition and community, while ensuring that the pursuit of passion remains pleasurable.
