Overcoming Anger Through Boxing
When you first meet me, you might not believe I was once an angry individual. Now, I’m chatty, sociable, and composed—but for nearly two decades, I harbored a quiet rage. This began with my conservative parents, whose strict upbringing dictated nearly every aspect of my life. As immigrants from Bangladesh, they believed in strict control to protect their daughters, but it ultimately felt suffocating.
I had to struggle for the right to attend university—something that came easily to the men in my community. Initially, my anger was a subtle, ever-present feeling, but it intensified into something more bitter when I was pressured into an arranged marriage at 24.
The marriage ended after just a few days, but its repercussions lasted for years. I recall interviewing a relationship expert years later, who referred to my “forced marriage.” I quickly corrected her: “It was arranged, not forced.” However, she gently tilted her head and asked, “An arranged marriage that you didn’t want?” This was the first moment I realized the depth of my anger.
This rage manifested in various ways: I was frequently irritable with my mother, emotionally distant in relationships, and fiercely independent about finances. I vowed never to put myself in a situation I couldn’t easily escape from.
I contemplated therapy, but the cultural context I grew up in made Western methods seem incompatible. I couldn’t envision explaining my anger to my mother or seeking an apology. Realistically, I resigned myself to living with this anger.
However, in spring 2023, I stepped into a boxing gym for the first time. I had no prior experience but wanted to learn for a novel I was writing. At Mickey’s Boxing Gym in East London, I hesitated before joining a class, going so far as to fiddle with my phone to avoid the situation.
Eventually, I joined the session, learning basic footwork and punches. Midway through, as I practiced on pads, Mickey encouraged me to hit harder. When I finally unleashed my anger with each punch, yelling out as I did, I felt years of pent-up frustration lift. That moment of catharsis allowed me to embrace my fury, transforming it into something constructive. Boxing has helped me find the balance I lacked for so long, and after years of battling my anger, I finally feel at peace.
Although others at the gym suggest I should participate in an actual boxing match, I tell them I box for enjoyment. What I don’t share is that I’ve already triumphed in the most significant battle of my life.
What Happens in the Dark by Kia Abdullah will be released on June 19.
