Dear How to Do It,
Six months ago, my wife informed me of her job promotion. Our family has been benefiting from the additional financial stability, leading me to think everything was ideal. However, I later discovered the true nature of her increased income.
The truth is, she’s been creating adult videos on an OnlyFans account. I feel betrayed, as if she’s cheating. While she insists it’s just a job and that my feelings are irrational, I can’t help but feel uncomfortable with others viewing my wife, who is also the mother of our children, in that way.
Dear OnlyFans Outrage,
Your reaction stems from not wanting strangers to sexualize your wife, but the situation encompasses more than just that concern. She initially misled you about her income source. Moreover, this raises questions about her commitments to you and the nature of your relationship, which seems to be monogamous. There’s also the fact that she is sharing herself with others when you believed she was solely yours.
When a partner hides significant aspects of their life, as your wife did regarding her ‘promotion,’ it complicates trust. While she may have her reasons, it’s crucial to discuss why she felt the need to conceal this information. Understanding her perspective may reveal underlying feelings about your relationship’s dynamic.
Does her involvement in adult content equate to infidelity? It’s understandable to feel that way within a monogamous framework. Partners should ideally communicate about such choices, especially regarding sex work. Your wife didn’t do that, which is problematic. Although she might argue it wasn’t explicitly forbidden, that reasoning overlooks the need for honest dialogue in a relationship.
It’s not unreasonable for you to be upset about strangers engaging with your wife in such a manner. While it’s her body and choice, you have the right to define what you want in a partner. If she chooses to continue this work, you must consider what boundaries or agreements would help you feel more secure. Ultimately, it’s vital to determine how you might cope if she refuses to stop her OnlyFans activity.
