Dear Prudence is Slate’s advice column.Submit questions here.
Dear Prudence,
I’m passionate about fitness. I run daily, participate in spin classes, and work out regularly. This routine helps manage my mental health, especially dealing with past trauma, while also enhancing my physical health. My fiancé appreciates my appearance but wishes I’d spend less time at the gym.
He believes my workouts reduce our quality time together, a claim I find hypocritical since he often spends our time gaming, ignoring me. While he argues that being in the same room counts as quality time, much of my gym time aligns with his work schedule. Additionally, I’ve noticed that he tends to criticize my weight fluctuations during the holiday season when I may not maintain my exercise patterns.
Despite my pointing out that a lack of exercise leads to weight gain, which he dislikes, he suggested I simply eat less. This was frustrating, especially as I enjoy food and dislike dieting. He even suggested that my fitness is a way to attract other men, leaving me furious. I temporarily left to stay with my parents, and upon returning, we’ve avoided the topic, though his remarks about my workouts still irritate me. Our relationship otherwise has been good, filled with laughter and shared interests, but I feel this issue is toxic. Is it resolvable?
—Boyfriend Wants a Thin Girlfriend
Dear Boyfriend Wants a Thin Girlfriend,
Absolutely, you should be concerned. It’s not simply a disagreement about gym time; there are underlying feelings that are troubling. Your fiancé wants to limit something that positively impacts your life and has expressed conditional love based on your weight. His attitude is harmful and unrealistic. It’s crucial that you prioritize your health and happiness over his insecurities. Consider moving on from this relationship.
