Welcome to your weekly edition of the Defector Funbag! Have something on your mind? Email the Funbag. You can also check out Drew at SFGATE, and don’t forget to buy Drew’s books while you’re at it. Today’s topics include amusing flatulence, consuming 500 gummy bears, amateur spying, and more.
Your Letters:
Aaron:
Did you enjoy Eric Collins calling the Panthers game? I was watching RedZone, and every time they switched to Panthers/Dolphins, I was delighted by his delivery! He might soon join the Gus Johnson level of over-the-top commentary but could find a sweet spot like Kevin Harlan. Either way, he should replace Tirico ASAP.
I disagree, Aaron. If you’ve followed Defector, you know that Collins has been labeled the most annoying local play-by-play announcer, possibly ever. As a mainly football fan, I don’t usually hear his broadcasts since I’m not a Hornets fan (and neither is anyone else). But that changed while watching RedZone on Sunday, where I was shocked to find Collins calling the Dolphins-Panthers game. He was paired with Mark Schlereth, who is already unbearable on color commentary. Combining them made the game intolerable.
Collins treats every play like it’s a crucial moment, despite the low stakes, which is grating. A good play-by-play announcer knows to adjust their volume to match the tension of the game. Collins just yells for everything, making it unwatchable. We need to prevent him from escalating in broadcasting; otherwise, we’ll all suffer.
Daniel:
Are Joe Buck and Troy Aikman the best broadcasting duo in football right now? Their commentary during a blowout like Broncos vs. Bengals was impressive and felt like a compliment.
I appreciate Buck and Aikman, even if not everyone shares my view. They’re definitely ESPN’s best MNF team. Buck stands out as the best play-by-play announcer across all sports. Contrary to other well-known color commentators in the past, Aikman has a candid style that resonates with viewers. Although, I wouldn’t say they’re the absolute best duo currently. That title belongs to Joe Davis and Greg Olsen, who provide insightful analysis and create a strong rapport.
Kevin:
Is it frustrating that NFL coaches frequently mess up basic calls or timeouts despite their supposed expertise in football?
The answer is yes—coaching is incredibly challenging. The role demands immense stress, as showcased by legends like Bill Parcells and John Madden, who experienced burnout early. Juggling player management, deal negotiations, media relations, and strategy takes a toll, often leading to mistakes even among the best coaches like McCarthy or Tomlin, despite their previous success.
Ricky:
Could you eat 500 gummy bears in one sitting? Seems possible based on my current stash!
Your perception might be skewed; gummy bears may seem easy to consume, but four pounds is a lot. Even a true candy lover would struggle to handle that much in one go. Your body has limits, and it will rebel eventually. Past experiences show that attempting to defy biology rarely ends well.
Email of the Week:
Pete:
I recently witnessed a student publicly ask a girl to homecoming, and she said no. His peers even helped with signs, making it even more awkward.
Oh man, the sign involvement makes it even worse. Tough break for him!
